Related: “Dear Jian Ghomeshi: Keep Your Abuse Out of My Kink”

From Jezebel:

MTI0ODc1Mzg1MTk5NDMyOTc4But what I know, after a lifetime of studying BDSM, is that this type of play is impossible to perform safely and ethically without the most stringent and deeply understood mutual consent. I won’t do it with just anyone I pick up at a show or find on the Internet. Along with most ethical kinksters, I always start a new partner—even one who is champing at the bit—off with deliberate, slow, and limited forms of BDSM play. Every toy, every humiliating phrase, and every aspect of the tempo and intensity of the scene are negotiated carefully in advance. I wouldn’t role-play a scene involving force or reluctance on anyone whose reactions I didn’t know like the back of my hand. And when I do play that way, I’m not only listening for safe words: I’m reading the reactions of my partner, continually looking for their arousal, for that light in their eyes that tells me that they’re on board. I am looking for adverse reactions, too, and I check in if I see or hear signs of a panic attack or dissociation, like a change in breathing pace, voice tone, or the size of pupils.

If anyone ever reacted to me the way Ghomeshi’s victims reportedly responded to him, with signs of obvious reluctance and disgust, I would stop, instantly.

Maybe Ghomeshi is telling the truth and has respected the consent of his partners, but I don’t buy it. The xoJane piece and the anonymous reports from his other victims seem of a type. They tend to paint Ghomeshi as an abuser, not a kinkster. Real kinksters have a healthy fear of the devastating consequences of violating consent. If I fancy someone, I won’t lay a finger upon them until I am convinced of their eagerness. Unlike Ghomeshi, I do not slake my thirst for domination and control upon unwilling and clearly protesting people.

Read the whole piece, by experienced kinkster and professional dominatrix Margaret Corvid.

Misleading Headlines Contribute to Rape Culture

Jian Ghomeshi, accused of rape.

Jian Ghomeshi, accused of rape, and whose entire defense is ‘bitches be crazy and also in cahoots.’

I want media outlets to stop using the phrase ‘sex allegations’ when they mean ‘rape allegations.’ I want them to stop using the phrase ‘priest sex scandal’ and instead use ‘child rape scandal.’ These headlines minimize and mislead and they are CONTRIBUTING TO RAPE CULTURE.

Consider this headline from The Star:

CBC fires Jian Ghomeshi over sex allegations

This sounds like they think he cheated on his wife, or visited a sex worker, or engaged in some sort of kinky but still perfectly acceptable sexual behavior. Nope! They think he raped people. Because that’s what multiple women, unrelated to one another, have come forward and said that he did.

When you write headlines like this about accused rapists, you make rape sound like something that is sort of titillating and fun. Something uptight people might have a problem with. Something sexual, that is necessarily between consenting adults, and is private.

That’s not what rape is, fuckfaces. Rape is not sex. It is rape.

Other headlines. I fixed them for the outlets; my additions in red. You’re welcome, assholes:

Jian Ghomeshi reveals details of sex scandal rape allegations after threatening to sue CBC for $50 million

Jian Ghomeshi Says CBC Split Came After Sex Life Details Threatened To Emerge; Actual Details Were Rape Allegations

— Huffington Post

Ghomeshi defends sex life despite the fact that he was fired for rape allegations, plans to sue CBC over firing

The Globe and Mail

Gawker is the only easily googleable headline that actually makes sense:

Report: CBC Radio Host Jian Ghomeshi Attacked Three Women During Sex

After the ‘catholic priest sex scandal’ that was actually a ‘catholic priest child rape and massive coverup scandal,’ then comes this. I’ve had it.

STOP THE BULLSHIT. YOUR VERY HEADLINES ARE RAPE APOLOGIES. STOP IT.

As my friend Naomi put it: “Dear Media People: YOU CAN BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.”