Dear Bitter Butch, are my relatives introverts, or just jerks?

Dear Bitter Butch,

shutterstock_172601018Please help me understand and deal with my introverted relatives! I am extroverted and thrive on interaction with others. When I have been left alone without human contact for too long, I begin to go a little batty. Over Thanksgiving, my sibling + spouse + kids came over to my folks’ place for dinner. I watched as my sibling + spouse spent the entire time, except while eating, playing with mobile devices and reading magazines. During the meal they did not talk, but just ate and then left the table. I did not get a greeting, nor a word of conversation from either of them, and spent most of the time talking with their children under the age of 7 and my other family members.

Read the rest of the letter and my answer over at


Dear Bitter Butch: question on bi invisibility– one of my favorite questions so far!

The_bisexual_pride_flag_3673713584Dear BB,

I’ve seen a lot of talk about combating bi and femme invisibility lately, which is pretty great. But I’m still struggling with some conflicting feelings. How do I, a bisexual, femme woman in a long-term relationship with a man celebrate who I am without seeming like I’m just trying to join a Special Pony parade?

Read the rest of her question and my answer over at


So, I got an email from President Obama’s office calling for a “national conversation about race.”

We do not need any conversation. White people need to stop being racist. Full stop. That is what needs to happen.

And when we openly murder black people on crowded streets, we need to GO TO JAIL. What the actual fuck, America?

Miss Manners on Forks


A friend’s comment on FB regarding my writing etiquette advice: “What? You mean like which fork to use?” Made me run to my well-thumbed copy of Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior to type in her comments on this, because they are wonderful:

If Miss Manners hears any more contemptuous descriptions of etiquette as being a matter of ‘knowing which fork to use,’ she will run amok with a sharp weapon, and the people she attacks will all be left with four tiny holes in their throats as if they had been the victims of twin vampires.

Knowing or caring which fork to use is regularly cited as proof of that one is narrowly fixed on a detail of life that is probably a deliberate booby trap set by the snobbish to catch the unsuspecting, and that therefore one has no time or heart left for the great spiritual values of life. The Great Fork Problem is used to ridicule the holy subject of etiquette, but the defenders of etiquette use it too, when they claim that manners are ‘a matter of being considerate of others, not which fork to use.’ In either case, this is like declaring that as long as you truly have love for humanity, it is not important that you happened to put your left shoe on your right foot and your right shoe on your left foot.

Forks are not that difficult. It is possible that anyone who has learned to operate a computer, kitchen appliance or washer with delicate fabric cycles may also be capable of being trained to operate as many as three forks.

Why is this important? Because the person who has not mastered the fork is going to make a mess, miss the last course of dinner, or make the hostess get up from the table. Also, the forks may get tired some day of being bad mouthed, and may cut off your food supply. Therefore, we will now take a minute to learn everything there is to know about Which Fork to Use.

Use the farthest to the left.

That’s it. That’s all there is to know. Now run outside and cultivate the spirit until dinnertime.

Next Bitter Butch column: chronic illness


1227spideyDear Bitter Butch,

People at work seem to want to know details about my chronic condition. I’ve told them that I have fibromyalgia, which is why I sometimes miss work. They ask questions about my medications and doctors. I’d rather not discuss these things. It doesn’t help that they talk freely about their colds, headaches, surgeries, hot flashes, etc. What should I do?

Read my answer at

PS I do not know how the editor is going to be able to top the last two images that went with my columns.