Dear Angry White Male in the stupid red car on Franklin this morning,

See, the reason the guy in front of you had stopped instead of turning right at the light was that three different women with strollers FILLED WITH BABIES were crossing. It is, as it turns out, illegal to mow down pedestrians in the crosswalk.

You know this, because I thoughtfully pulled up and told you. Perhaps I should not have added ‘chill out, dood,’ but someone had just squished my boobs within an inch of their lives and taken photographs of the whole experience. I was feeling free and easy and flapping.

Perhaps you were further enraged by the fact that I sailed past you as I said: “babies! Crossing! Chill out, dood!” because I, unlike you, was paying attention to the flow of traffic and therefore signaled and moved left of the car waiting to turn right behind whom you were stuck, impotently honking. I don’t know.

kissBut blowing you that kiss after you screamed past me, leaned on the horn, and flipped me off was one of my most joyous moments bicycling ever.

Goodbye Angry, Entitled, Impatient Sir. May the rest of your day be better. Please do not kill any babies because you have Important Things To Do In Other Places.

PS. I won. Well, me and the babies who did not die. xoxoxo

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