Bitter Butch: I Just Got Married And It Isn’t Going Well

justmarriedDear Bitter Butch,

My wedding was a month ago, and things aren’t going very well. My husband is withholding sex. He has done this before, and I know you are probably going to say I shouldn’t have married someone so childish and selfish. But, I did, and now I just need to figure out what to do going forward.

I’ve given him a deadline to decide to have a sexual relationship with me, or to decide not to. I’ve told him to go to the doctor to see if he has a problem and he refuses, so he must be withholding sex for some reason that he won’t tell me. All I hear are the excuses: too tired, too stressed, etc.

Do you have any ideas for what I should do?

Dear Married for a Month,

I’m going to say this as gently and lovingly as I can, and I want you to imagine me saying it with the compassionate tone that I really do feel for you: he’s not the only one who is being childish here. Read the rest of my answer at

Published by haddayr

Writer, parent, cripple, queer; worker, dancer. City dweller. Bicyclist. I love whiskey, tea, and cussing.