Advice

Oh, you guys. You are sending me the most amazing, amazing letters. I feel so honored.

Here is my next column. More to come. Oh, your amazing letters. Keep ’em coming at bitterbutch@bitterempire.com. Thank you.

Dear Bitter Butch:

When my husband and I were engaged he bought me flowers, huge amounts on my birthday (the day before Valentine’s Day) and Valentine’s Day. The other guys at work said he should stop making them look bad. I love flowers. He promised me he would keep doing it. In the twenty-one years since we got married he says he never knows what to buy me. I say ‘I love flowers!’ A couple of times when I whined, a lot. Really whined. He bought me a bouquet. Once my son made him do it. Is there any way I can get him to buy me flowers without feeling passive aggressive? Signed, flowerless.

Here’s how I really want to answer this letter: with a note to your husband that says: “Buy your wife flowers. What the actual fuck. This is not difficult or complicated. Buy her. Flowers. Today. DOOOOOOOOD.”

But he didn’t write me. You did. So I’m going to take your question at face value. Read the rest of my answer.