Author Archives: haddayr

Dear thighs, You have been through a lot: my mom calling you ‘a little heavy, dear.’ hearing my dance teacher telling me that you looked ‘masculine,’ because I was using you wrong for extensions. the insult of ‘thunder thighs’ from junior high school girls. The horrible ugly and baggage-ridden tattoo I placed on you inContinue reading “A thank-you letter to my thighs”

The limitation of marriage to opposite-sex couples may long have seemed natural and just, but its inconsistency with the central meaning of the fundamental right to marry is now manifest. White that knowledge must come the recognition that laws excluding same-sex couples from the marriage right impose stigma and injury of the kind prohibited byContinue reading “SCOTU Gay Marriage Decision”

(crossposted from FB) Recently, one of my sisters told me I was like my dad in how much I loved her. I have never felt so thrilled in my life, because although he was as flawed as the next person my dad expressed love and joy so powerfully that sometimes I felt knocked back byContinue reading “Father’s Day 11 years out”

I think a lot of my friends don’t get why I am sometimes so ANGRY, and why I can’t always give well-meaning people the benefit of their well-meaningness. So I’ll share my trip to the grocery store yesterday with you all, which is a common occurrence (especially in wealthy areas, and this was a WholeContinue reading “On the accumulation of well-meant microagressions”

Hey, folks! For various reasons, some of the answers I write to people can’t run in Bitter Butch — either the audience is quite small, or they are too graphic, or they just don’t fit the tone of the blog. I’ve gotten permission from my gracious editors to sometimes run letters here that aren’t quiteContinue reading “Bitter Butch Column “Parking Lot” posts: How do I come out as Poly at Work?”

Hey, folks! I’ll be reading with a local group of wonderful writers from the new anthology Listen to Your Mother at Subtext Books, 165 Western Avenue North, in Saint Paul from 7-9. These are essays from our performances in the “Listen to Your Mother” series of performances, and there are some WONDERFUL readers. We talkContinue reading “Listen to Your Mother Reading: Wednesday, April 22, Subtext Books”

Dear Cis Men, If a young woman of your acquaintance describes street harassment to you, please keep in mind that it is categorically impossible for you to have any idea whatsoever what she felt like in that situation. Whatever advice you want to give her about being strong and straightforward, or nicer and more understanding,Continue reading “You have no idea what you are talking about: men and street harrassment”

You guys I have done a HORRIBLE job of publicizing this; I’m so sorry. I’m doing a reading this Thursday at the Nicollet Diner with a bunch of other fabulous bi*/pan/queer folks! I mean a slam. The cool kids slam. I am really excited about the other folks I’m reading with; check it! http://www.bisexualorganizingproject.org/home/bi-story-slam