I have only wanted to do this since I was, say, nine.

Here is the first column! Please send me your crippy, queirdo, bitter, lovelorn, confused, pervy, and etiquette questions to bitterbutch@bitterempire.com!

I will answer the living shit out of your questions! I will answer like you’ve never been answered before. When I answer a question, IT STAYS ANSWERED.

Dear Bitter Butch,
Should I hold the door for people in wheelchairs? It seems only courteous; I hold them for people pushing strollers. But it feels super awkward if they’re not right behind me and I stand there holding the door for like a minute and a half while they make their way up the ramp. Help! I don’t want them to be stuck outside, I live in a cold climate!

A: There is so much angst over door opening and wheelchairs! And now you’ve added freezing to death on top of it. Read my whole answer.