Dear Bitter Butch: What if my husband is in love with another woman?

Dear Bitter Butch,

How do I ask my spouse of 15 years if he has fallen in love with someone else?

Specifically I think he has fallen in love with a pretty, together, and much-younger woman at work. Let’s call her Hannah. I don’t think the feelings are reciprocated. In fact, I think my husband been trying to hide or even suppress his feelings for her–presumably in part because he is her direct supervisor, and expressing them could cause massive problems for both of them.

But then they went on an extended work trip together, and ever since then he’s been different: Read the rest at bitterempire.com.

Dearly Beloved . . .

prince-2016-press-pic-supplied-2-credit-photo-to-Nandy-McCleanThe night after Prince died, the DJ upstairs cranked Raspberry Beret on repeat while he and his friends sand along with it, and kept up the music all night. I had a job interview in the morning but I did not have the heart to ask him to turn it down.

❤

On my way to Seder yesterday, The Current started playing When Doves Cry. I cranked it and started rocking out and singing along.

The woman in the car next to me waved and we sang along together — she had it cranked in her car, too.

On the way home, I saw every building lit up purple in the Minneapolis skyline.

❤

I shocked myself by crying at work when I heard. He was so fundamentally weird and fundamentally brilliant and fundamentally OURS.

Dear Bitter Butch: How Do I Handle Terrible Parenting?

I keep forgetting to link my Bitter Butch advice columns here!

Dear Bitter Butch,

Last week someone brought their twins into the office. They are, I dunno, less than a year old? The boy is starting to walk, the girl hasn’t yet, so however old that would make them.

And the boy was crying.

And the mom commented that when the boy cries, the dad says, in a sing-songy voice, “We’re not raising a wussy!” . . . read the rest at BitterEmpire.com

Call for pitches: Femme Feminism

logoHey, writer friends, particularly WOMEN OF COLOR and TRANS women: Here’s a paying market! $100/piece.
 
My friend Dena Marie Landon is launching a hybrid fashion blog and feminist magazine in September called Femme Feminism.
 
FROM DENA:
The site’s mission is to create an inclusive community for all women, feminine and non-binary, to discuss the intersection of fashion, femmes and feminism. Each month I’ll be publishing personal essays and historical pieces examining these subjects within a monthly theme.
 
I’m looking for writers interested in these topics to contribute 600-1,200 word essays. Payment is a flat $100/piece. Particularly looking for WOC and trans voices. Because of the site’s hybrid nature writers need to be able to provide at least two pictures of themselves demonstrating their personal fashion style that ties into the essay’s theme. Below are the first four month’s themes. Please send pitches to dena@femmefeminism.com.
 
Questions? Ask away: dena@femmefeminism.com
 
October – Do We Denigrate Fashion Because of Its Ties with Women’s Work?
November – Femmes, Fashion and Professionalism
December -Femmes and Family
January – Femmes, Feminism and Money

Q Quest Kids: Queer and GenderQueer SF/F lists!

BOOKS & STORIES WE READ FROM IN THE WORKSHOP
The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin

Pioneering feminist science fiction dealing with gender on a world where people assume a gender only to mate and those who are permanently one gender or another are seen as bizarre and disturbing.

Gooseberry Bluff Community College of Magic: The Thirteenth Rib by David J. Schwartz (one of the workshop presenters)
Alternate history of the world in which magic is the ruling force of power, not nuclear power. An investigator from the Magical Bureau of Investigations goes undercover as a professor at a community college of magic. Discussions of race, disability, gender, and queer sexuality. Author is a genderqueer local nebula-award-nominated writer.

Ascension: a Tangled Axon Novel, by Jacqueline Koyanagi

Space opera/romance touching on polyamory, disability, race, class, sisterhood, and queer sexuality

Glitter & Mayhem Anthology
Nightclub- and roller derby-themed anthology with several queer/trans/genderqueer stories (David J. Schwartz’s “Apex Jump” about the intergalactic trans roller derby girl is included)
FURTHER READING

Ancillary Justice/Ancillary Sword/Ancillary Mercy by Ann Leckie: Describes a far-future society from the POV of a person who perceives all gender as female by default, regardless of physical sexual characteristics

Ring of Swords AND A Woman of the Iron People by Eleanor Arnason

Describes a world in which homosexuality is the default and heterosexuality is a sign of being like an animal (and thus in need of extermination)
Shadow Man by Melissa Scott
Planetary science fiction in which the pharmaceuticals used to enable humans to survive FTL travel have caused humanity to manifest five sexual patterns, and new gender norms have developed and are strictly enforced

Elemental Logic series, by Laurie J. Marks

Fantasy quartet (Book 4 coming soon!) with multiple queer and non-monogamous relationships.

Swordspoint and Privilege of the Sword, by Ellen Kushner

Fantasy novels set in the mythical city of Riverside, centered around a pair of gay male characters.

One For Sorrow, by Christopher Barzak

Ghost story about a troubled bisexual teen, set in small-town Ohio.

Solitaire, by Kelley Eskridge

Near-future corporate techno-thriller with a lesbian protagonist.

Ammonite, Slow River, and Hild by Nicola Griffith

Two science fiction novels with lesbian protagonists, and one historical fiction novel with a subtly queer protagonist.

Anthologies

Beyond Binary: Genderqueer and Sexually Fluid Speculative Fiction, edited by Brit Mandelo

Fantasy & Science fiction addressing genderqueer and sexually fluid themes

Short Stories:

“And Salome Danced” and “Eye of the Storm” by Kelley Eskridge

Two short stories, one psychological horror/erotica, one fantasy, in which the narrator’s gender is never specified, so that the reader is forced to question their assumptions about gender and sexuality

“Love Might Be Too Strong a Word” by Charlie Jane Anders (available online at http://www.lightspeedmagazine.com/fiction/love-might-be-too-strong-a-word/)

A far-future comic short story in which there are several genders

Lightspeed Magazine, June 2015 (Queers Destroy Science Fiction! Special Issue)
All-queer anthology of well-known science fiction authors

Not In Love With Julia

She watched this so we wouldn’t have to. I was encouraged by their partner organizations, so I am disappointed. I especially call your attention to this: “Can you imagine Sesame Street making videos of parents of typical children complaining about how difficult it is to raise their kids? Can you imagine Sesame Street doing this with parents of kids with other disabilities? Somehow it is unique to autism that the “parents’ lives are hard” story must ALWAYS be included. It really does not have to be included. There is a time and place to talk about how hard parenting your autistic kids can be, and it’s the same place you talk about how hard parenting your typical kids can be, how hard your marriage can be, how hard your friendships can be – privately, with trusted friends and family.”

Subject of a Study

tongsÉiden just bought himself an ENORMOUS pair of 10-inch tongs for feeding Bearded Dragons.

I was lying around in bed reading when he approached me and immediately grasped the fabric of my T-shirt in the tongs, which look like novelty tweezers.

“This species is an anomaly that continues to make for a very interesting study,” he said in David Attenborough’s accent.

“As you can see, the Wild Haddayr has a very interesting anatomy with extra quantities of loose skin that serve no function whatsoever.”

“And another interesting bit of anatomy,” he went on, gripping the flesh of one of my knuckles, “you can see the wrinkled flesh.” He shook it gently, turning my hand over deftly. “The Haddayr also spends great amounts of its time sniffing children with no obvious evolutionary purpose whatsoever.”

“And this evolutionary disadvantage is one that has baffled scientists for centuries,” he intoned, grabbing my earrings with astounding speed and dexterity. “Why would a Haddayr pierce its own flesh with bands of metal?”

He grabbed my sleeve again with the pincers and pulled it up.

“And why would it stab itself over and over with needles dipped in dye, forever marking it so that it stands out in the foliage?”

“This species,” he continued with as much dignity as he could muster as I began to fight back, “is especially difficult to study as it uses its fingers to viciously tickle the scientists.”

“This species spends most of its time peering into a computer screen, typing lies about various computer programs and products, and how good they are,” he concluded. “This also serves no evolutionary advantage whatsoever.”

Scoffing, my observer and social commentator rose from the bed and went downstairs to his dinner.